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The voice comes at night. Not in dreams, not imagined. Real sentences. Usually short, male, and mocking. “Still think you’re in control?” it said last week, when I was studying on my bed. Sometimes it says my name.

I’m scared to tell anyone. I tried writing a letter to my cousin in Jeddah, but ripped it up. What if they’re watching what I write too? At school, I keep my head down. I barely talk now. I just try to avoid the worst times — usually around 9am and again at 3pm. That’s when the fog rolls in. I don’t mean weather. I mean cognitive paralysis. You try to focus and feel like you’re inside water.

If someone had warned me this could happen in Saudi Arabia, I wouldn’t have enrolled here. I was excited to learn Arabic. I loved the building. But now it’s just a maze of pain I can’t describe without sounding crazy.

My family paid for this school. They don’t know they were paying for silence.

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